Moment by Moment

My Blog Has Moved

2006-02-14T10:26:00.000-06:00

Blogger is nice.

iBlogs is better.

iBlogs lets me divide my posts into categories, and has RSS built-in. My blog has moved to iBlogs.

Check it out here.

Proficiency vs. Competence

2005-11-07T12:18:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm finally getting this post up. It sat around on my computer for one week as I was trying to figure out how I wanted to write it, and another week as we had problems with our phone (and therefore with our dial-up internet as well). But at last it's here. So, without further ado...

Last time I'd mentoined just briefly that INTPs recognize a difference between proficiency and competence. I wouldn't be a true INTP if I didn't include dictionary definitions for those two words so that you could see the difference in the shades of meaning (oh yeah, INTPs love the intricacies of language. it's great! I love being INTP!).

The 1992 New Webster's Dictionary defines competence as "sufficient ability," "having the necessary qualities or skills," "showing adequate equal to or sufficient (enough, as much as is needed) for a special requirement skill." Proficiency, on the other hand, is defined as "having or showing effective command dominance, mastery in an art, skill, study, etc." So, to break it down, proficiency can be equated with mastery, while competence is having enough to meet the minimum requirement, but not necessarily any more.

But, if INTPs are driven by the desire, the need, to understand stuff, why do they tend to stop at competence?

"Proficiency in any area (which requires continual practice after understanding) is not such a driving force as it might be for NTJs, for example. While a judging NT will often seek to become master of his field, an INTP is satisfied by analyzing it alone." (1)

I think one of the big detractors of proficiency is the continual practice. You know what it's like when you're first learning something new? You put forth a little effort and you can learn a lot. There's so much stuff that is easy to pick up. You can quickly gain a good overview of the subject in a short time. From this vantage point, you are able to understand quite a bit about the subject.

But then, learning starts coming harder. You spend more time for less new information. This is where INTPs lose interest. As a result, INTPs tend to be "often more of dabbler with ideas." (1)

"While proficiency may not be a central goal, competence always is. The difference here may be subtle, but it is important. If an INTP decides to learn a skill, then it is very important for him that he reaches a sufficient level so that basic errors can be avoided. Errors made by others are to be expected and can be criticized. But errors made by oneself attack the very root of the person, which is ultimately about rationality, logic and truth. INTPs hate to think of themselves being in any way inadequate, at least in areas that are important to them. So, as soon as he puts himself behind some task, then he must achieve competency. But that is as far as it goes. Refined competency requires too much effort and has little attraction. It would require practice and that usually bores an INTP. Hence, it is common to see INTPs dabbling at many things, achieving competency, just enough to prove to themselves that they could become more proficient if they wished, but rarely actually bothering to refine their skills further. This is a point at which we begin to get a feel for the workings of [extraverted Intuition] backing up [introverted Thinking (Ti)]. The INTP has a whole set of skills which he knows that he would be proficient at, yet other people may know little of this. He is satisfied with the knowledge that he has these skills but often sees no requirement to demonstrate this to others, an indication of the strong Ti nature." (1, emphasis added)

So, next time you see me do something that you didn't know I could do before, just chalk it up to my INTP personality. I hope that this post helped you to understand me better. As I finish writing it, I'm still not sure I've organized it well, but I hope that you were able to see through to the important parts of what I was trying to share here.

Anyway, I'd better close this up. Have a good day, and God bless.

Kendall

(1) http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html

Two sides to INTPs

2005-10-19T19:06:00.000-05:00

Today I would like to share with you what I have found out about INTPs and formal education. See, one of the things that I like about being an INTP is that "higher education often holds a particular appeal to this type who tends to acquire degrees and amass knowledge over the entire course of life." (1)

But wait! You quit college. How does that relate to acquiring degrees? How do you acquire degrees if you quit?

Well, that's where I learned that there are basically two types of INTPs. While on one hand, you can "just name the discipline, and you'll find INTPs perched on the loftiest rungs of theory and analysis," (1) there's also another side to an INTPs scholastic interest. It seems that some INTPs are "often more of a dabbler with ideas," (2) than an expert in the field. INTPs often have many various interests,and these interests would "be enough to occupy him for several lifetimes if that were possible." (2)

See, "as young adults choosing careers, INTPs either set a course and work toward it quietly yet forcefully or continue to resist and rebel against society's expectations and irrational rules. They may either focus in depth on a major interest or move from one interest to another without showing others - friends, colleagues, and bosses - their reasons why. It is the process, the quest, that has been most interesting to them. Once they have found the answer, they do not often share it because the answer is obvious, and documenting the obvious is redundant. This attitude includes a tendency not to respond or speak up in groups, because the INTP feels that what he or she was going to say seems so obvious that no one would want to hear it." (3)

I included part of this quote in my last post, so again, see that I am trying to step outside of my personality as I share with you, my family and friends, why I made the choice that I did. Anyway, as you can guess, I'm the second type of INTP. I have wide and varying interests.

When I was taking Broadcasting, and also when I was studying for Computer Information Systems, I noticed that I was never as interested and deep into my field of study as most of the rest of my classmates. I didn't run around campus with my own video camera and shoot the stuff that was going on. I only did that when I had an assignment to do that sort of thing for class, or while I was working at the TV station at SWAU. I might visit the Computer Science Computer Lab and mess around with some simple programming, but I was never as good as most of those who were serious about their major. I wasn't as interested as they were in learning it.

Yes, there's a bunch of things that I like to do, but only to a certain point. The problem is that none of these interests stands above any of the others as being the one I should focus on. And I've finally decided that I'm not going to focus.

"The INTP is a relentless learner in areas that hold his or her interest. They often seem 'lost in thought,' and this characteristic appears very early. INTPs enjoy the life of the mind and the learning process, regardless of whether that process takes place in a formal sense. They are often characterized as life-long learners." (3)

I like the idea of being a lifelong learner. I'm never going to stop learning. At the end of my life, I will be a lot more well-rounded than many of you (at least in my humble opinion) because I will have studied a lot more varied things. Sure, in your field of expertise you will be able to run circles around me. I'm fine with that. I'll still know more stuff. Stuff like Carpentry, plumbing, electrical work, roofing, landscaping, web design, fund-raising, computer programming, publication design, photography, videography, building portable toilets, maybe car mechanics. I don't know. There are a lot of things that I would like to learn, and a lot of things that I've already learned. So don't e afraid that I'm going to start growing stupid or something. It's just a different way to learn.

Next time I'll expand on this a little more and talk about the difference that INTPs see between proficiency and competence. But, you'll have to come back to find out about that. 'Till next time.

Kendall

(1) http://www.insightsystem.com/intp.htm
(2) http://www.intp.org/intprofile.html
(3) http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/intp.htm

Why it's so hard to post.

2005-10-18T22:41:00.000-05:00

It's taking me a little longer than I had hoped to get anything posted here. But, even that has its explanation in the nature of INTPs. Here's what one of the websites that I checked out in my search to learn more about this rare personality type (did I mention that INTPs make up about 1% of the total population) had to say about INTPs and studying.

"[They] need to restrain their urge to read everything that's ever been written on a topic." (1)

When I first read this, I laughed. I thought this was really funny. I KNEW that I didn't do anything of the sort. In fact, I hardly ever read. But then I stopped to think, and I took a look at the books in my library. On second thought, that does kinda describe how I am. It also explaines part of why I'm so slow getting this stuff posted.

See, INTPs "may put off writing until they," you guessed it, "read everything available on the topic." (1) I didn't start writing any of this until I had finished reading through the seven websites that I will be referring to here, and later on. And, yes, I did want to read more on the subject. At some point, I plan to buy several books on the subject. I even have gone to Amazon.Com and picked out the ones that I want.

I also didn't start writing until I had organized the quotes that I was going to use into logical groupings. As you can imagine, this took some small time on my part, but does not entirely account for the time between postings. For the rest of the explanation, I quote the following website.

"Once [INTPs] have found the answer, they do not often share it because the answer is obvious, and documenting the obvious is redundant. This attitude includes a tendency not to respond or speak up in groups, because the INTP feels that what he or she was going to say seems so obvious that no one would want to hear it." (2)

As you can see, what I am attempting to do here (document the "obvious") doesn't come naturally to INTPs. In fact, it's contrary to my natural inclination. But still, I'm doing it, even if it is rather sporadic. See, the thing is, I've read it all already. I've organized it in a pattern that makes sense to me. I know it already, so I'm starting to lose interest in actually writing it down and getting it posted here. But I promise that I will finish what I've started here. Part of understanding my personality is accepting who I am inclined to be while still becoming who I want to be, by emphasizing the qualities I want to keep and resisting the qualities I'm not so fond of.

Anyway, that's enough for now. Have a great day!

Kendall

(1) http://www.murraystate.edu/secsv/fye/INTP.htm
(2) http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/intp.htm

INTPs and Blogging

2005-10-13T13:48:00.000-05:00

According to BLOGinality, there is a good reason why I don't post with any regular frequency. Here's what it says:

"As a weblogger, you might not be as concerned about popularity, but more with the ideas and theories that you strive to understand. Because routines aren't your strong point, you might be more likely to work on the concept of how to do a blog, but not be as excited to keep it up."

Yeah, that sounds about right. After all, that's what this blog is about - ideas, and I haven't been very regular in my posting. Yet, I persever. I guess that's what I get for being INTP.

'Till next time,
Kendall

INTP: That's Me

2005-09-23T15:33:00.000-05:00

How much of an impact does our personality have on the choices we make? Or how we behave?

I don't know. I just know that when I started looking more into my personality, and then comparing what I learned there with the choices I've made and why I made them, I see similarities. So, I thought I'd share what I learned with you. Maybe it'll help you understand me better. I know it helped me understand myself more.

I'm an INTP.

INTP is one of the 16 personality types defined in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. The free online test that I took was made up of 79 questions. If you'd like to take the same test to find out your personality type, click here.

I looked around on the internet for information about INTPs, and found a couple sites with good descriptions, and bits and pieces on a few more sites. I'll share some of the interesting things I've found about my personality type with you in later posts.

Until then, God bless.

Kendall

Close to Home

2005-09-23T11:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how you'll react to this. It's a bit darker than my other posts have been. But, maybe you'll understand a bit more of me after this. You don't have to read this post if you don't want to. It's up to you.

It hit close to home last weekend. Doublely so when I stopped to think about it. A guy in the community where I live, a guy that I went to school with, a guy that I was distant friends with, tried to commit suicide hanging himself. Fortunately for him, his dad found him, did CPR on him, and he survived. But it was close.

What made it hit home was the reflection I saw of myself in what he did. See, he had a wife and a baby just a few months old. Yet, he was willing to leave them behind.

I know that sometimes that situation can be very stressful, and I don't know what all was going on in his life or why he made the choice that he did. But I can see myself in a similar situation.

See, I'm depressed right now. It's not a short-term thing. I've been down for the past couple years, and can't seem to get past it. It just is. It's hard for me to get up in the morning. I don't have much energy, and even less "social energy." I think that's part of why I quit. It was just too much, having to stress with work and study, and not having enough social energy to deal with all those people.

But here's where I saw the biggest connection with this guy.

I want to be married. I want someone I can talk to, someone I can be comfortable with. Someone I can have fun with. I want to share my life with someone. And what makes them special is that they want to share their life with me. I see romance in taking walks together through the woods, and sitting in the livingroom reading to each other, in standing side by side at the sink washing dishes.

And I think I'd be so much happier if I had that. Like it would keep me from being depressed or something. At the same time I know it wouldn't. In fact, it is probable that I'd be more stressed and depressed than I am now. And where would that leave me?

Married, and still unhappy with my life? With a wife who is either stressed trying to figure out how to help me, or who has no clue that I feel the way I do? Throw a kid into the mess and it looks even worse. The stress of having to provide for all of this, of "keeping up with the Jones'."

What if I finally come to the end of my rope? Would I leave them, hanging?

Those are just some of the thoughts that have run around in my head this week.

I'm reminded that "if we cant get rid of a problem no matter where we go, its 'cause the problem is not external, its ...'wherever i am, there i am'." I think some of it has to do with just accepting self. I'm still working on that.

But you know something. When I look at what happened to this guy I used to know, I don't really see myself. I see a shadow of what might have been, but wasn't. It won't be.

This friend I once knew, didn't come to church anymore. I don't know that he ever talked to God. I still do. I argue at Him quite a bit, but at least I talk to Him. My spiritual life is a bit of a mess right now, but I've got one. I'll make it through this ok. Don't worry about me.

This is what makes it hard to be open with other people. We are afraid. Afraid that people won't like us anymore if they "see the real me." Or that they will treat us different when they find out what's really going on.

When being open runs the risk of shattering the picture of who you think we are, we're afraid. We don't want you to treat us any different after we've shared ourself with you than you did before.

Dee and Gabe were good with that. You know why I admire them so much? What they would do was amazing. I'd sit down with them and we'd talk. They'd LISTEN. They didn't offer me any solution. I wasn't looking for one from them. They were there to listen so I could get the problem out of my head where I could see it. Where I could work through it. Where I could let God get at it. When I was done talking, they'd say, "let's pray about it." We would, and I always went away feeling better. And you know, my problems got solved, too.

So sometimes, let God do the work. You just listen. Have a good week.

Kendall

A Change In Names...

2005-09-17T16:59:00.000-05:00

This blog used to be called A Day at a Time. That's how I'm trying to live my life right now. But I was afraid some people might misunderstand, and expect me to post a day-by-day account or something. So, I changed the name of the post to reflect both how my life works, and the sporadic nature of my postings. I think Moment by Moment fits much better.

So, why'd I quit? (Part 4)...

2005-09-02T13:23:00.000-05:00

Goodbye.

Yeah...

Goodbye.

That's why I quit. I'm tired of saying it. What's so good about goodbye?

But it's a fact of life. People move away, move on. Life goes on. You just gotta grow up!

The problem is that there's a greater concentration of goodbyes in college. You make friends. You invest time, energy, and effort into maintaining and developing those friendships. Then they up and change colleges, graduate, or you change schools or graduate. In such a short span of years, you have the opportunity to make quite a few friends and then lose them again, for the most part.

But you can stay in touch. You can still be friends, even over long distances.

Really? Maybe we define friend differently. I think what you'd call friend, I might call acquaintance. Friends are actively involved in each others' lives. They know what's going on, at least on a fairly regular basis. They do stuff together. That's friends as I see it. Friends are interested in each others' social, emotional, psychological, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. That's friends.

Besides, I've never been much good at writing letters and e-mailing. It doesn't have the same power for me that physical presence does. And I think I know why.

Have you ever read or heard of any of the "5 Love Languages" series of books by Dr. Gary Chapman? If you haven't, you should check them out. Dr. Chapman says that there are 5 primary ways that we communicate love to each other. In alphabetical order, they are acts of service, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and words of affirmation.

Everyone can communicate in any of these "languages," but some people understand certain "languages" better than they understand others. The two languages I understand best are quality time and physical touch (yes, in that order). The closest you could get to quality time over long distances would be instant-messaging (I don't really like talking on the telephone, but that could count too, for some people). Physical touch is out of the question.

As a result, goodbye is pretty much the end of most friendship parts of relationships for me. I guess that something that makes it harder is the fact that I've stayed in one place for so long. We moved to Jefferson the year I started first grade. My best friend in first grade was my best friend all the way through academy.

While in academy, I made more good friends. When my best friend didn't come to college with me, I still had other friends from academy, so it wasn't so bad. The year that my two best friends in college, Dee and Gabe, graduated, I saw the writing on the wall. I understood what was in the rest of my college future. Goodbyes.

So, I ran. I did taskforce for 2 years at Holbrook SDA Indian School out in Arizona. I taught high-school computers and was an assistant boys' dean. Yeah, there were other good reasons why I wanted to go out to Holbrook and teach. But goodbyes was the main one, even though I didn't realize it fully until later. I chose to get them all over at once. One good strong blow from an axe should heal quicker than a thousand little knife-pricks strung out over the next several years. But I may have been wrong about that. It's gotten harder for me to connect with people. What's the point in transitory relationships? Yeah, I know I need them. It's just hard. It still hurts from last time.

When I was done at Holbrook, I came back to Southwestern intending to finish my college education. And there were more goodbyes staring me in the face. More people I'd have to let go of. I'm done with the college environment, the stress, the classes, the indecision, but mostly the goodbyes.

In closing, I'd like to share the lyrics from 3 songs I know on the subject: 2 that do a good job telling it like it is, and 1 that I just can't stand for all the lying. Ok, so I'm being a bit hard on it. It's a good song, I guess. It just doesn't capture my personal experience like the others do. Here's the first one.

Say Goodbye by Take 3

Lord, I've been traveling so long, so long.
Seems I'm always saying so long, so long.
My pockets all are empty.
I've got nothing more to lose.
Take me home to glory land,
And take away my blues.

Chorus:
Lord, I'm so far away from home,
And I'm awful tired of singing all alone.
Take me home to the glory.
I know it's only then,
That I'll never have to say goodbye again.

I don't really mind leaving town after town.
Every place I go is just the same all around.
It's friends I leave behind me,
Just touching as we pass,
That make me long for heaven
Where we'll meet again at last.

Chorus

Repeat first verse

Chorus

That I'll never have to say goodbye again.

I'd like that a lot. The second is by Michael W. Smith, and is called Pray for Me. Again, it captures the essence of my experience. The link should take you to the lyrics page. The last one, the one I disagree with, is one of the more famous ones done by Michael W. Smith a couple years after Pray for Me. It's called Friends. Again, follow the link to the lyrics page.

The part I find hardest to like in this one is...

"But we'll keep you close as always
It won't even seem you've gone
'cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong"

No quality time, no physical touch...where's the love? Or at least, where's the depth we once had? No, not close as always. I'll know you've gone. And I'm not strong, not anymore. Not since you've gone. I guess I never really was.

And so, I quit.

So, why'd I quit? (Part 3)...

2005-09-02T12:17:00.000-05:00

I'd started this post before my little (yeah, right...little...oh well) absence. I guess I'd better finish it.

Alright, another reason why I quit...indecision.

Well, maybe indecision isn't the best description for it. It's not so much that I can't decide. It's that I don't want to.

Decide what?

On a major. See, here's my trouble. I like working with video. I like studying theories about how we communicate. Just not as much as the other communication majors. I like web design and computer programming. Just not as much as the computer science majors. I like the idea of teaching (web design maybe?), but not as much as real teachers (besides, I'd have to teach other classes, too...right).

There's nothing I'm really into. There's a bunch of stuff I enjoy. I feel like I'm being cheated to have to stick to just one of my interests, even for a career. The problem is that people are expected to specialize. Pick one thing, and be the best you can be at that one thing.

I prefer the idea of the Jack-of-all-trades, or a Renaissance man. He can do many different things, and do them well. Of course, there's more to that title. Complete, it reads "Jack-of-all-trades and master-of-none". He's not the best at anything.

You want to know what my perfect job would be? This week I am doing plumbing in the mornings. In the evenings I'm simply tending my garden. Next week, maybe landscaping in the morning and web design in the evening. After that, construction in the morning for several weeks, and video editing or writing in the evenings.

But they don't make jobs like that. Not ones that really pay, at least. So what can I do?

At the moment, I'm looking into maybe a couple part-time jobs. We'll see what works out.

But then, is there any use for me to go to college? I'd still say yes. But not like most people do. Most people go to get a certain degree. If I were to go, I would rather go for individual classes, ones that I was interested in, ones that I could actually use. I wouldn't even have to "take" the classes. I could audit them. The point is that I would be getting the information I wanted.

I don't know. It's a break from our structured lifestyle. But I think we over-structure stuff anyway.

Well, I guess that about wraps up this reason for quitting. Until next time, God bless.

Kendall

2005-09-02T12:00:00.000-05:00

Hmmm...

It's been awhile since I posted last. I haven't had much internet access recently, or the social/emotional energy required to pull thoughts out of my head and write (type) them down. Now I've got internet access back, if not much energy.

I'll try to pick up some where I left off, and include a bit more current stuff as well. It's still quite an experience.

Kendall

Because I can...

2005-04-26T13:31:00.000-05:00

So, that's why I quit. Well, not the only reason. Just the core one. It's my choice. I said I'd share with you what my current thoughts are on the matter of choice. I guess this is a good time to do that.

Dictionary.Com defines choice as 1) the act of choosing and 2) the power, right, or liberty to choose. To choose is 1) to select from a number of possible alternatives, or 2) to prefer above others.

The power, right, or liberty to select the preferable option from a number of possible opportunities. What do you need to be able to make a choice?

First, you need a) an accurate understanding of the pros and cons of the different options, or b) an acceptance of someone else's assesment of the options. Second, you need a willingness to accept responsibility for the outcomes, forseen and unforseen, of your choice. You need to be willing to do what it takes to back up your choice.

Take a moment to think. At what point did you start making choices in different areas of your own life based, not on someone else's assessment of your options, but on your own. I think that is part of growing up. I think that the greater responsibility is also part of growing up. What's more, I think it applies to all areas of our lives.

This is where it may get a little sticky, but I will push on. As Yoda once said, "Do not try. There is no try. Do or do not." I've put this on my plate, and I'll finish it.

I believe that, for the most part, this also applies to our relationship with God. I know it's a big thing now to "let go and let God," to just kick back and let God make all the choices in our lives so we don't have to. After all, we're His children. Like we let our parents make our decisions for us when we were young, so we do with God. But does He ever want us to grow up?

Because He made us with the capacity to choose, to reason things out and make a choice, with the will to carry out our choice, I believe He expected us to use that capacity. I think He wants us to grow to the point where He won't have to make our choices for us. I think He wants us to be independent.

Ah, but it's not just that simple. I also believe that surrounded by the effects of sin, it is hard for us to really judge our options accurately. There is much that we do not understand, just as there was much we didn't understand as a child. There are some things here on earth that we can't choose by ourselves. That's why He is there to help us.

But at the same time we shouldn't be afraid of standing up from time to time, of trying to learn to walk, to make our own choices. Sometimes He will be there to catch us when we fall. Sometimes we will simply fall. But it's a learning process. One day we will walk. One day we may be able to make all our own decisions (not here in the midst of sin, though, and I don't discount the possibility that there will likely still be stuff we don't understand entirely, but for the most part, yes).

Well, I guess this is enough controversy for one post. Later, I'd like to explain how I think this applies to the Ten Commandments, marriage, and other important stuff. For now, though, I'll just try to weather the comments.

So, why'd I quit? (Part 2)...

2005-04-25T23:55:00.000-05:00

I had actually intended to post something else this time, but breaking news comes first. I said that I wasn't sure what my main reason was for quitting. I think I know now. It's because I can.

I'm quitting because I can.

Society tells me that I need a college degree to succeed in life. That I need to "keep up with the Jones'" to be happy. That my college degree is the equivalent to what I know.

I think society is stupid.

I'm sorry. Maybe that was a bit strong. Better to say I think society is wrong.

Yes, I understand that people look at a college degree to get an idea of what a person knows how to do. I understand that I will not be given as many opportunities as someone who has a college degree, because people don't easily give "the benefit of the doubt". I understand that a college degree would remove some of that doubt. And frankly, I don't care.

I know how to do what I know how to do. What I don't know how to do yet, I can learn. I'll take classes, if I want them. I'll read books, and magazines, and papers, if they interest me. I'll learn. Quitting college didnt' stop that. It just changed the forum in which I learn.

I can still get a job. I can still enjoy my job. I can still earn a living. People did before college degrees became common. They still do now. I can, too.

I'm quitting because I can.

I think that's why I am not asking anyone's advice. It's my choice. I've decided.

Because I can.

So, why'd I quit? (Part 1)...

2005-04-25T21:00:00.000-05:00

Why did I quit?

How long do you have?

See, it's a complicated response composed of many different reasons. None of them really stands out as more influential to my decision than the others. At least not at this point. Hindsight is always 20/20. This situation isn't in hindsight just yet, so my perspective is still somewhat skewed.

Let me start with the first reason that comes to mind. Just remember that these are in no particular order or relevance. Let's start with this idea: roots.

Have you ever seen the movie, Flood: A River's Rampage? It's about a small Missouri town trying to protect itself from the flooding Mississippi. So, what's this have to do with quitting? Roots. What made this town so cool was that many of the people there had lived their whole lives in that town. They were born and raised there. Maybe they went away for schooling, but they came back. This was their home, and their parents' home, and their grandparents' home, and for some, even further back.

Me, I was born in Corpus Christi, Texas, and lived there for 6 years. But from the time I was 8 'till I started college, I lived in Jefferson, Texas. My mom's parents lived just up the hill from us. There were woods back behind our house that I used to spend endless hours running around in, exploring and staying out of trouble. It's home. It's my parents' home. It was my grandparents' home. We have roots there.

"But I still don't see what that has to do with why you quit."

Alright. I am currently (just for another 2 weeks) studying communication. Broadcasting, in particular. With a preference towards television. There aren't many TV-related jobs around Jefferson, that I know of. The few that exist are further away than I feel like driving every day. I suppose that's my next reason/topic right there. Commuting to work. Trust me, I've got lots to talk about. This decision to quit wasn't just some spur-of-the-moment choice. But it was a choice (I'll explain later what I've learned about choice).

But I digress. I was talking about roots. Here's what I'm looking forward to. I move home. I move into my grandparents' home (we bought the house and the land from them when they moved to a nursing home in Arkansas near my mom's older sister and her husband). I'll fix it up. I will have my own house. That means a lot. Not many people my age can say that they have their own house. I'll have a garden, too (another topic).

And I can grow roots. I can watch the community where I grew up as it evolves, with new people moving in, and old ones moving away or passing on. I can be close to where my mom is buried. I can become an active part of the community that protected me as I grew. Part of the community with which I share some fond memories. That's what I want out of life. That's part of why I quit.

Until next time, God bless.

Kendall